The week’s post comes from a very vulnerable place for me as do most of the things I write about. This week comes from the thought of having faith vs having fear of what is happening around me, to me, for me and within me. We often hear the phrase, faith over fear but do we ever consider how we use faith to combat fear? That’s where I get the notion of faith vs fear. Truth is, no matter how much of a powerhouse someone may appear to be, they are human after all and struggle with real issues just like anyone else. I am no exception to this idea. Sure I can motivate anyone to overcomes limiting beliefs and push to achieve their goals, but I too have moments where my mind takes over and they past creeps in. This is where it is important to remember to always have faith. But what is faith? My mentor asked the question the other day and she put it very clearly as faith not being something that we necessarily have to associate to religion although many of us do. Faith is that conviction that you know something will work out. Faith is the trust that you have in the final outcome and the willingness to surrender to what the universe has in store for us. That sense of security that you pull from deep within knowing that you will be ok and there is a purpose working in your favor. I have always had faith that God would pull me through any tough situations and that He is always watching over me. I also believe that the universe allows for us to go through situations and feel the tough emotions in order to grow. At the moment, I am going through one of those moments. This one probably being one of the toughest ones I have yet to overcome. Sure I may need some additional assistance from my spiritual mentor and go back to therapy as there are clearly some wounds which are resurfacing for me and with reason. However, I think back at all that I have overcome in my life and know that I will overcome this moment as well. I look at all of the pain and heartbreak I have gotten over in the past and I know that this will be no different.
All that being said, how do we navigate the day to day while going through this? Sure it is easy to say that we should not worry about it because in the end it will all work out, but what happens in the meantime? How do we get out of bed in the morning? How do we engage with other people while falling apart inside? How do we carry on with regular activities when even the smallest activity is a chore? There is no one answer to any of these. Some people really have to dig deep and need the help of medication to get through the lows in life. That it completely ok. Some people resort to substance abuse as a result of the lows which leads to an even more dangerous spiral. Others like myself, have to learn to refocus our energy into what we can control. I can control my environment so I keep a tidy home to reduce the anxiety building up. I can control how I react to things so I make sure to breathe for a few seconds when that visceral reaction to a trigger comes up. I go back to the practices that help me center myself to put things in perspective with the main one being meditation. I practice gratitude even for the things that some may view as trivial such as the water that I drink and bathe with. I go for a walk, on a a treadmill or outside but get your body moving. I journal and put my ideas and feelings on paper which help to release them. Does this fix everything? Of course it is not an overnight solution but consistency with these healthy habits will help.
The biggest learning that I have had over the last several months is that life does not happen to us. It happens for us. It is imperative to stand still and understand what is happening so we can identify patterns or connections which can actually be a way for the universe to speak to us and what we need to pay attention to, heal, and address. Truth is that when pain comes up or we are triggered with sadness, anger, or other intense emotion, a reason is certain to exist. It may not be the actual causing event that you need to really focus on but rather the actual reason why the event stirred emotions in you. For example, I recently had a disagreement with someone who omitted from telling me something really important and impactful. Although I know that the intension was good, it still did not refrain from causing me a great deal of pain and suffering for the relationship between me and this person. However, as I took a step back to review what had occurred I realized that the issue was not against me but rather belonging to the other person. To their inability to show vulnerability, to allow people in, and to trust. That was created by trauma, abandonment and all sorts of other things that have nothing to do with me. Nevertheless, this situation happened in my favor to allow me to see what I needed to see and identify who I wanted to surround myself with. The old version of me would have internalized all of the pain and felt that it was due to my unworthiness. That is what healing is like. Processing information differently, making the choice to not allow for others to decide my value, and allowing myself to sit with the feelings and understand where it is coming while being grateful for all of the blessings and opportunities I was given to allow me to grow and learn the power of conviction of faith.